AM I A BAD MUM?

AM I A BAD MUM?

Am I a bad mum? 

This has been a thought that’s on my mind a lot recently, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere an time soon.

I recently went on a walk with Evie, to a beautiful little spot along the North Cliffs, near to where we live in Cornwall (the pictures of which are attached to this post).

It was peaceful, remote and the view was so beyond stunning. The sun was beating down on us and there were so many butterflies silently fluttering around. The only sound we could hear was the occasional bird song as they flew over head.

This is the first time in a long time that I’ve had a moment this peaceful. It’s also the first time in a long time that I’ve spent quiet time like this with Evie, not rushing, just exploring.

In a moment that I should have been really enjoying, the more steps that I took, the more I felt like such a bad mum for not doing this more often.

Am I A Bad Mum

Lately I’ve been finding it more and more difficult to maintain a healthy work/life balance.

I’m a full time mother. I’m a daughter. I’m a friend.

But, I’m also trying to start a career freelance writing and social media managing, which has actually turned full time recently. At the same time, I have my blog, which I love and is a stream of income, and I work a part time job in the evening a few nights a week, to bring in some guaranteed money for my family. This is just while I build the foundations of my business and so I can save up for the times that work might run dry.

In total, I work 60+ hours a week across all three jobs (freelancing, blog, evening job). This is on top of my toddler, my friends, my family, my house.

My time is constantly stretched and I feel like every moment is allocated to a different task, like I’m a walking calendar of events.

I constantly rush around like I’m the busiest person in the world. I rush every task, whether it’s cooking, cleaning, playing.

Just a simple, and much needed walk, really got me thinking about the way I’m going about things at the moment, and it made me start to feel really guilty. Am I bad mum?

am-i-a-bad-mum-feature

I find sometimes, that I struggle to give my daughter quality time, as I’m putting all of my efforts into starting my business. This business is taking time to build, but it’s my passion and is something that will be our main source of income by the end of the year.

One thing I do always make sure is that we are out of the house by 10am every morning. I try and make sure that I am technology free (but this can’t always happen), and we often stay out till the middle of the afternoon either running errands or going for a quick beach run. But, the rest of the morning and evenings I am working.

One week I feel like ‘Hey I’ve got this!’ and I feel like I’m just about breaking through. The posts are flowing, the work is easier, I feel like I’m on top of things and I feel like I have some more spare time that I can shower Evie with.

am-i-a-bad-mum-evie

Then next week I struggle to make one deadline, I have to stay up later, get up earlier and work into that precious time that I do have Evie.

With my part time evening job on top of that, there are lots of nights where I’m not even home to put Evie to bed. Knowing someone else is getting those bed time cuddles and kisses, is bathing her and is tucking her in to bed, is such a strange and horrible feeling. I feel so guilty that I’m not there. But those times when I am lucky enough to be there, I appreciate it even more.

I constantly feel like I’m not giving my daughter enough time. I’m worried that I’m missing out on watching her grow and develop. I’m worried that I’m focused on work too much and that I’m prioritising the wrong things.

Am I a bad mum? Or just a mum whose trying to support us?

am-i-a-bad-mum-view

Sometimes I get home from my part time job and it’s midnight or 1am. Then I have to be up really early with Evie, and sometimes I need to pull out my laptop while she plays, to catch up on the work I should have done while I was at my other job.

I am so exhausted, I’m so drained and I feel like such a bad mother, friend, daughter.

There is only so much you can balance. I am always juggling, and there is only so much you can do without burning out.

am-i-a-bad-mum

One thing is for sure, is that the guilt is always there. The guilt you feel towards your child, the guilt you feel towards your friends, your family, yourself.

When you throw friends, family, your spouse, your child, your work, your chores into the blend, building and maintaining those relationships when you’re working so hard, can be really difficult.

When it comes to friends and other family members, some understand that I can’t make time for them at the moment. Others don’t understand why I can’t give them my full undivided attention. Some, understandably so, get upset that I haven’t made an effort, that I haven’t had time to reply to their messages or attend their events.

am-i-a-bad-mum-flower

But, the rare spare time I do have, has to go straight to my daughter and not to anyone else. In that spare time I try to give her the attention and love she needs. I try to teach her things, I try to nurture her, I try to show her that she’s so loved. But it still feels like it’s not enough.

There are still moments that I have to let her play by herself, there are times when I have to say no to her because I have a deadline. But each deadline means more money going into our pot and that’s what we need.

I try and include her in my freelance work, because the more that its about her, the more time I get with her. But it’s still not enough. It’s still not good enough.

My dream is that by the end of this year, I’ll be so financially stable from my freelance work that I can travel with Evie, that we can explore the world. Then I can show her things and be there with her fully.

am-i-a-bad-mum-post

I won’t have to go to my evening job, I won’t have to work so much, I won’t have to leave her with someone else. It’ll just be me and her and the world.

But in the meantime, before she gets me to herself, before we get to go away like that. Am I being a bad mum?

Do you ever feel like you’re working too much and not spending enough time with your child? Do you ever feel like a bad mum? Let us know in he comments below.

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15 Comments

  1. July 25, 2016 / 8:45 am

    Oh bless you for feeling like that! It may feel like you’re doing too much now and spreading yourself very thin but think of how much easier things will be once they take off?! The sacrifices you make now will be worth it.

  2. July 25, 2016 / 11:18 am

    Not a bad mum at all. You’re just a regular loving mum who is trying, like you mentioned, juggling motherhood/work and family. 🙂 Love the photos btw 🙂 xx

  3. July 25, 2016 / 3:25 pm

    You are no where near a bad mum and it upsets me that you feel this. You are building the foundations of a life for you and your daughter and that is the best thing any parent can do. You have light at the end and this period to get you there is so short in terms of her whole life that you have together. It will all be worth it and I promise you, you are doing a great job X

  4. July 25, 2016 / 5:50 pm

    Sometimes I feel like a bad mum but I always try to think I am teaching my kids good work ethics instead.

  5. Carrie Dustow
    July 25, 2016 / 7:47 pm

    Hi Sweetie, You’re feeling the same as all of us working mothers. You’ve described the very same feeling I’m having at the moment too. It’s extremely difficult to juggle everything and everyone. Keep going, you are almost at your goal! Just keep swimming 🙂 You are not a bad mum at all, you are an inspiring role model for your little girl! She will be very proud that you’ve carved your own path in life.
    Big virtual hugs, Carrie xx

  6. July 25, 2016 / 7:09 pm

    I totally relate to this! I swing from the feeling of I got this to feeling like a bad mum and kinda hoped it was natural! We are too harsh on ourselves I think.

  7. July 25, 2016 / 8:13 pm

    the fact that you ask are you a bad mum.. means your not!!! you love and care so much.. trying your best to provide for your family.. lovely sweet post.. you walk sounds lovely x

  8. July 25, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    The fact that you’re even worrying about this shows you are a great and invested mother. I think we can all get a little like that sometimes. Ps. Your daughter looks super cute in her little dress and sun hat!

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

  9. July 26, 2016 / 10:11 am

    I feel the same and am struggling to keep my head above the water. I work a full time job, attend meetings and normally do not get home until 10 pm. On top of that I manage two social media groups and co-manage another plus I also run my website and have freelance clients. I feel like I am falling behind most days and I wish I could do blogging full time. You are a good mum and its amazing how much you can juggle xx

  10. July 26, 2016 / 2:56 pm

    You’re not a bad mum, you are doing what best for your family and I’m sure all your hard work will pay off in the end. I understand the struggle of motherhood by seeing through my mother eyes. I’m sure you will get through this.

  11. July 26, 2016 / 5:12 pm

    It’s like you read my thought, I’m in the same situation hun. The difference is that I’m now just moving past it. I built up a successful cake business which my sister no runs so I can concentrate on blogging as this has got busier & busier. It may feel crazy now but you’l get there. The fact that you’re worried about it means you are a fab mum. Once your business has been built up you’ll be able to spend more time just being mum x

  12. July 28, 2016 / 10:58 am

    I feel this way every time I drop him off at day care and I bet every mom feels guilty about the time they spend doing other things. These things make us who we are and these kids are so proud of us. This hard work WILL pay off. Your daughter will see a hardworking woman who she got to look up to. That’s awesome!

  13. July 28, 2016 / 2:17 pm

    It’s such a juggling act for us parents, I think all that we can do is our best. I spend a lot of time with my girls but in order for me to do that my husband works very long hours and misses out on so much and I feel guilty for that. There is always sacrifices being a parent xx

  14. July 28, 2016 / 4:41 pm

    When my eldest was a baby (she is now 18) I remember being stopped in the street on a sunny day by an old lady who said that I should really have a sunshade over my baby and the hat she was wearing was no where near good enough to protect her. As a new young mum, I was so panicked and worried and even though it had taken me hours to feed and get my baby out the door, I turned around and went home in tears, feeling like the worst mother in the world and overwhelmed with guilt, convinced that should my daughter develop a malignant melanoma in the future, it would be all my fault. 18 years on, I can look at that situation now and I think to myself, what on earth did I do there, I let the opinions of someone else ruin my afternoon walk, I trusted someone else and not what I thought was best for my baby, she had a sun hat, she had the hood of the pram, she was in the shade!
    I think the reason we feel guilty is not because we are not confident with our decisions and what we are doing, but because of the reactions of those around us, even the smallest comment can creep into our head, into our subconscious and make us think we are not doing as well as we should be. It sounds to me that you have got it completely sorted in your head what your goals are and what you are doing now to reach those goals should not make you feel guilty, but empowered…dont be running away like I did back then!
    So let your subconscious thoughts make peace with your conscious thoughts and get them to agree that you are doing the very best you can with what you have, the rest you have to let go over your head. Needless to say, as the years went on, I gave up with guilt altogether but its a process and it took time to realise that actually I was doing my very best and there was no room for such a negative emotion. My daughter now goes out in all winds and weathers wearing what she damn well likes too and is perfectly healthy too!

  15. April 8, 2018 / 3:56 am

    We went through a year and a half period where we didn’t see our kids much or do much of anything fun because we built our own house. It was a sacrifice for the whole family, but worth it for the security it has given us. As long as you know it will be short term, it should be fine. Make sure you acknowledge that she is making a sacrifice, too. Let her know what the end goal is so she feels like she is included and valued. You are doing a great job!

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