I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I’ve lived with the notion my whole life that I am not good enough.

This ranges from not being skinny enough, to not being clever enough to the one that I struggle with the most…not feeling good enough to put myself out there for opportunities.

It all stems from a complete lack of confidence and some seriously silly brain thoughts.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this, and I’m sure you are reading along to this and thinking about some of the times when you’ve felt like you’re not good enough either.

Maybe it’s right now that you’re feeling like this.

I Am Not Good Enough

Lately my feelings of not being good enough have amplified. I’ve recently registered myself as self-employed and I’m starting to put myself out there to try and build my freelance career as a writer and social media manager.

But as soon as things get slightly scary for me, as soon as I start to step a little bit out of my comfort zone, those naggy little thoughts come creeping back in and they have a really annoying way of taking over. My inner voice starts saying things like:

  • I am not good enough to go after that job. Why would they employ me?
  • I am not good enough to be a blogger. No one will read my posts.
  • I am not good enough to be a mum. My daughter deserves so much better.
  • I am not good enough to have friends. I’m not entertaining enough.
  • I am not good enough to have a relationship. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not funny enough. I’m not loving enough. 
  • I am not good enough, I am not good enough. I am not good enough.

Quite frankly, this way of thinking – it has to STOP.

I had a really amazing opportunity land in my inbox yesterday. I was offered a freelance contract that I’ve been dreaming of, and instead of being thrilled about it and replying straight away saying I will take it, I quickly shut down my inbox and made excuses about why I couldn’t reply.

My main reason for not replying is because I don’t feel like I am good enough. Even though deep down I know I can do this, even though I know I have the skill set and even though I know I will put my all into the job, this is what went through my head;

I’m scared. I’m too scared to negotiate my fees. What if they think I’m charging too much and they reject me? What if they accept my offer and I then start only for them to realise that I’m not good enough? What if I’m not really good good enough? Maybe I should reply to them and say I can’t do it…

By putting so much negative thought into such a potentially positive thing, I’ve turned it into something a lot bigger than it is.

Now the thought of replying to that e-mail has left me feeling nauseous and panicky.

I am not good enough

ONLY WE CAN HELP OURSELVES

The only problem is, when we’re feeling this way, when we make ourselves feel like we’re not good enough, nobody can help us but ourselves.

It’s all good your partner or your best friend telling you that you are or you can and trying to convince you of how amazing you are. But that little thing called self-doubt will not let you listen to them and it won’t let you believe them.

Something I read today, really hit home to me:

“You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.”

It’s so true. Telling yourself that you aren’t good enough and talking yourself into feeling like a failure won’t make you any more successful.

Telling yourself that you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you in anyway to reach a higher potential. Telling yourself that you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.

I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to feel good enough is to actually start loving yourself. You need to start telling yourself you are enough and you need to start trying to actually believe it.

I need to do this too and the more we remind ourselves, the easier it will become in the long run.

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WE NEED TO STOP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS

Another reason why I’m stopping myself from going for opportunities, is that I always think there will be someone better.

A lot of my feelings and I’m sure yours too, comes from comparing ourselves to other people. If I do it and I’m sure if you do it to, then you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone does it. I’m sure that even the people we hold so highly in our heads, do it too.

Do you ever put someone you know up on a pedestal?

Do you feel like they have a better house than you? Better behaved children than you? That they’re prettier than you? They have more money than you? They’re more liked than you? They’re happier than you? That they’re cleverer than you? That they could do that job better than you?

The harsh reality of it, is that we are all human beings. We are all going through the same challenges and we all have to fight self-doubt at some point. Those people that you think are better than you, they really aren’t.

They too have gone through self-doubt. They too have faced the universal challenges that we all go through. We just can’t always see what goes on behind closed doors.

I am good enough

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH

Is there something that you’re putting off doing because you’re not feeling good enough? Are you stopping yourself from going after a job? Going to events? Socialising with people?

We need to stop letting that negative voice win. We need to start owning what we are good at and believing in ourselves. We need to look at ourselves and be proud of the things that make us unique.

Think about yourself and be honest. What are the things that you know deep down you are good at? What are the parts of you that you like?

I know I’m putting off sending this e-mail because I’m afraid of failure and I’m afraid there is someone better. But, until I try, I’ll never know if I will be good enough.

I know deep down that I am good enough. I know deep down that I have the skill set to do this and I know that when I commit to something, I really give it my all.

Yes I’m scared. I’m terrified. But I think sometimes, telling the ‘I’m not good enough’ devil to go and do one for five minutes and doing something out of our comfort zone, can actually feel quite liberating.

I’m off to send that e-mail. Wish me luck!

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? What are your tips to people feeling the same way? Let us know in the comments below.

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10 Comments

  1. July 1, 2016 / 3:55 pm

    Oh bless you, and YES to it all!! You make sure you go for that opportunity, try and think of every opportunity as THEY need you, and not the other way around. I need to be more like this as I am always self doubting myself and won’t go to things or go for things as I am too scared that I am not good enough. We should hold our head high and go for it!

  2. July 3, 2016 / 8:52 am

    Oh I’m sure most of us feel like we’re not good enough in some way or another. I constantly think I’m not a good enough mum, not a good enough blogger, not a good enough wife. It gets me down plenty and it does stop me from doing things too.

    Good luck with getting that email sent and I’m sure you’ll be fabulous at whatever the opportunity was for.

  3. July 3, 2016 / 9:57 am

    I am terrible for this, especially since becoming a mum, and am constantly fighting to think more positively about myself and trying to stop myself putting myself down. The one thing I try to tell myself is that they wouldn’t have offered it to you, or asked you to do something, if they didn’t think you were good enough.. and that works quite a few times!
    Good luck with the email – it sounds like an exciting opportunity has come your way!

  4. July 3, 2016 / 4:46 pm

    Of course you are good enough, we all are. It’s so easy to listen to self doubt and let the gremlins take over. You shouldn’t fear failure, failure is the only way to learn, it shows you went out there and tried. Believe in yourself, you’re awesome!

  5. July 3, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    I can completely relate to this. I feel like this all the time. I love your advice and you are MORE than good enough 🙂 xxxx

  6. July 3, 2016 / 9:20 pm

    Great post and I can completely relate – especially as a blogger there always seems to be people doing better, getting more opportunities, earning more money. Some people ooze confidence and I wish I could be like that.

    However I do know that I’m a good Mum, the best, nobody else could do my job better than me and for now that keeps me happy.

    Good luck lovely – you will be amazing! And remember out of all the bloggers they chose you! Xx

  7. July 3, 2016 / 9:25 pm

    Glad you are going to reply to the email. You have to be a little bold and give it a try and you’ll surprise yourself and start breaking the lies you have believed for too long. I speak from experience. Mich x

  8. July 3, 2016 / 11:51 pm

    I feel exactly the same a lot of the time and I think it comes from my x telling me that all the time. I’m trying and learning to overcome it and enjoyed reading this post.

  9. July 4, 2016 / 11:11 am

    Its so hard isnt it, I do the same, especially when it comes to applying for jobs. Keep telling yourself you can do it – you have evidence to prove it!

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