I’ve lived with the notion my whole life that I am not good enough.
This ranges from not being skinny enough, to not being clever enough to the one that I struggle with the most…not feeling good enough to put myself out there for opportunities.
It all stems from a complete lack of confidence and some seriously silly brain thoughts.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this, and I’m sure you are reading along to this and thinking about some of the times when you’ve felt like you’re not good enough either.
Maybe it’s right now that you’re feeling like this.
Lately my feelings of not being good enough have amplified. I’ve recently registered myself as self-employed and I’m starting to put myself out there to try and build my freelance career as a writer and social media manager.
But as soon as things get slightly scary for me, as soon as I start to step a little bit out of my comfort zone, those naggy little thoughts come creeping back in and they have a really annoying way of taking over. My inner voice starts saying things like:
- I am not good enough to go after that job. Why would they employ me?
- I am not good enough to be a blogger. No one will read my posts.
- I am not good enough to be a mum. My daughter deserves so much better.
- I am not good enough to have friends. I’m not entertaining enough.
- I am not good enough to have a relationship. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not funny enough. I’m not loving enough.
- I am not good enough, I am not good enough. I am not good enough.
Quite frankly, this way of thinking – it has to STOP.
I had a really amazing opportunity land in my inbox yesterday. I was offered a freelance contract that I’ve been dreaming of, and instead of being thrilled about it and replying straight away saying I will take it, I quickly shut down my inbox and made excuses about why I couldn’t reply.
My main reason for not replying is because I don’t feel like I am good enough. Even though deep down I know I can do this, even though I know I have the skill set and even though I know I will put my all into the job, this is what went through my head;
I’m scared. I’m too scared to negotiate my fees. What if they think I’m charging too much and they reject me? What if they accept my offer and I then start only for them to realise that I’m not good enough? What if I’m not really good good enough? Maybe I should reply to them and say I can’t do it…
By putting so much negative thought into such a potentially positive thing, I’ve turned it into something a lot bigger than it is.
Now the thought of replying to that e-mail has left me feeling nauseous and panicky.
ONLY WE CAN HELP OURSELVES
The only problem is, when we’re feeling this way, when we make ourselves feel like we’re not good enough, nobody can help us but ourselves.
It’s all good your partner or your best friend telling you that you are or you can and trying to convince you of how amazing you are. But that little thing called self-doubt will not let you listen to them and it won’t let you believe them.
Something I read today, really hit home to me:
“You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.”
It’s so true. Telling yourself that you aren’t good enough and talking yourself into feeling like a failure won’t make you any more successful.
Telling yourself that you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you in anyway to reach a higher potential. Telling yourself that you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to feel good enough is to actually start loving yourself. You need to start telling yourself you are enough and you need to start trying to actually believe it.
I need to do this too and the more we remind ourselves, the easier it will become in the long run.
WE NEED TO STOP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS
Another reason why I’m stopping myself from going for opportunities, is that I always think there will be someone better.
A lot of my feelings and I’m sure yours too, comes from comparing ourselves to other people. If I do it and I’m sure if you do it to, then you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone does it. I’m sure that even the people we hold so highly in our heads, do it too.
Do you ever put someone you know up on a pedestal?
Do you feel like they have a better house than you? Better behaved children than you? That they’re prettier than you? They have more money than you? They’re more liked than you? They’re happier than you? That they’re cleverer than you? That they could do that job better than you?
The harsh reality of it, is that we are all human beings. We are all going through the same challenges and we all have to fight self-doubt at some point. Those people that you think are better than you, they really aren’t.
They too have gone through self-doubt. They too have faced the universal challenges that we all go through. We just can’t always see what goes on behind closed doors.
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH
Is there something that you’re putting off doing because you’re not feeling good enough? Are you stopping yourself from going after a job? Going to events? Socialising with people?
We need to stop letting that negative voice win. We need to start owning what we are good at and believing in ourselves. We need to look at ourselves and be proud of the things that make us unique.
Think about yourself and be honest. What are the things that you know deep down you are good at? What are the parts of you that you like?
I know I’m putting off sending this e-mail because I’m afraid of failure and I’m afraid there is someone better. But, until I try, I’ll never know if I will be good enough.
I know deep down that I am good enough. I know deep down that I have the skill set to do this and I know that when I commit to something, I really give it my all.
Yes I’m scared. I’m terrified. But I think sometimes, telling the ‘I’m not good enough’ devil to go and do one for five minutes and doing something out of our comfort zone, can actually feel quite liberating.
I’m off to send that e-mail. Wish me luck!
Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? What are your tips to people feeling the same way? Let us know in the comments below.