Well, that’s Christmas out of the way for another year. The presents have been unwrapped, the chocolate has all been eaten (don’t judge me), and the boxes are down from the loft ready to pack away the decorations on January 1st.
As I watched my kids playing with some of their bounty this morning, a memory hit me out of nowhere: being forced to sit at the dining table at my parent’s house writing thank you letters.
Did anyone else have to do that? I feel like it used to be a thing, and it is most certainly no longer a thing.
Mine always went something like this:
Dear Auntie Jean and Uncle Alan,
Thank you so much for my arts and crafts set which you got me for Christmas. I will have lots of fun creating things with it and Mum said she will take some photos of what I make to show you next time you come for tea.
I hope you had a good Christmas and see you soon, love from Millie
I know to an adult that seems like 2 minutes’ work, but to an 11 year old it feels like it takes 3 hours. Boredom, hand cramp, numb bum, the lot.
Anyway, it got me wondering what happened to thank you letters, and why they seem to have died out.
Quietly Replaced by Video Messages
When I realised I had never made my kids write thank you letters after Christmas, I was momentarily mortified. Was I failing as a parent and raising my kids to be ungrateful little brats?
But then I remembered I made each of them wait for me to set up my phone to make an unwrapping video before each present. I gave them direction too: “Make sure you look happy when you see what it is, and give me a nice big energetic thank you once you’ve opened it”
I even had to delete a couple of rubbish ones and coach the kids to deliver something acceptable while holding the already unwrapped (and underwhelming) gift.
Nevertheless, each present that came from someone that wasn’t in the room was filmed, and the video was sent to the person who bought them the gift on Christmas Day.
That was the thank you letter.
Alright, it maybe wasn’t always as natural and spontaneous as I wanted it to be, but then, neither are thank you letters. Video messages are unquestionably much lower effort though, and for all their advantages they aren’t the same as a handwritten thank you note.
In all honesty, they sometimes feel like a bit of a cop out.
Am I Making My Kids Less Grateful?
I genuinely don’t know how I feel about this – what do you lot think?
Although I used to hate sitting down and writing a dozen thank you notes in my best hand writing (my Mum made me write them again if they looked rushed), it did teach me about gratitude.
What does a quick “thank you for my present!” to the camera teach kids? Not a great deal. Five seconds later they have already forgotten they said it and are onto the next present. Yes, they are still saying thank you and I suppose they are learning about manners to some degree, but the lesson is not the same.
I also wonder if making them ‘perform’ for the sender is killing the excitement on the day?
I used to tear through my presents thinking of nothing other than how excited I was to get each one open and see what it was. The thank you letter writing came days later, it wasn’t even in the back of my mind on Christmas Day.
Isn’t that better? Writing letters is a chore for the kids – and for the parents for that matter – but it means the kids can wholly and completely enjoy Christmas Day and be in the moment, plus, they learn more about gratitude by writing the letters in the days that follow.
I am probably just being nostalgic, the world moves on and all that, but part of me thinks that being forced to write thank you letters at my parent’s prison/dining room table was actually the better approach.
Anyway, on that note, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and if you want to share your opinion on this blog post with me, you can always send me a video message 😂