I had a whistle stop trip to London at the weekend. An old friend was doing their last ever gig with a band he had formed yonks ago, so me and the girls went along to support.
It was a great gig, a great reunion, a great chance to catch up with people I love but don’t get to see nearly enough.
You know what wasn’t so great? The train journey there and back.
Why I Hate The Train
I don’t always hate the train. Sometimes everything goes as planned and I might even get a bit of work done on the journey.
But often, train journeys are blighted by inconsiderate and disgusting people, or by delays and cancellations.
Let’s deal with both.
Other People
Jean-Paul Sartre once wrote, “Hell is other people”, and while I don’t agree wholesale, on a train, he has absolutely nailed it.
My journey contained the full bingo card of train trolls.
There was the guy whose headphones were so loud everyone could hear the tinny tsk tsk of the music he was listening to. There was the secret flatulence person, the person chomping their food at decibel levels I can’t even comprehend, and the person sat in my seat even though it said reserved above it. I had them shifted in no time, let me tell you.
But the worst, the very worst, was the person trying to have a phone conversation as the signal dropped in and out.
As a species, we have sent rockets to the moon and invented the (something funny), but there are still people out there in the 21st century who sit on trains shouting “Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I’m just on the train. The signals not great. Hello? What did you say? We just went through a tunnel”
Have these people never been on the train before? Phone conversations on trains don’t work. Stop trying, you fools!
Poor Service
Now I can’t claim to understand how the trains are run in this country, but surely, surely, cancelling a train due to a shortage of drivers is not a valid excuse. I mean what happened? Did one get left in the stock cupboard or dropped down the back of the filing cabinet? You know how many trains you have, and you know how many drivers you need. How can this be a last minute surprise that leads to an unexpected train cancellation?
There was also massive unruly queue to get on because the platforms at St Pancras are basically two narrow walkways with a massive hole between them. I usually go from Euston but, surprise surprise, the trains from Euston were severely delayed due to some other nonsense that weekend. If you depart from Euston you get the swarm of people literally knocking each other out of the way once the platform is announced. It’s like something out of Gladiators.
So I was delayed, uncomfortable, and on the train for far longer than I should have been, surrounded by people that were driving me mad.
I suppose the silver lining is that I get some money back through delay repay. And the visit itself was worth the horrible journeys, because I love seeing my friends.
But still, today I hate the train.